Toxic Masculinity in Black Spaces and Beyond
A long overdue discussion about generational toxicity, misogyny, and the patriarchal prison.
Warning graphic design credit: Radicule.
Original illustration credit: Tristan Boswell/Smooth0pur8r
DISCLAIMER/TRIGGER WARNING: In this week’s article, I decided to switch gears from strictly the music and the rampant racism operating beneath the surface to something that has equally been long overlooked: Toxic masculinity permeating throughout society. With that being said, we’re going to be tackling different topics, pertaining to sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, and the overall maltreatment of women and LGBTQ+ citizens. If you’ve been a victim of any of the following topics and are still struggling from PTSD due to the events that have happened to you, I invite you to read next weeks article as we will be tackling lighter subject matter. I’ll be addressing the aforementioned subjects in its relation to the black community, but ultimately these are issues that require being addressed on a worldwide scale, in EVERY COMMUNITY.
Thoughts surrounding problematic tendencies and behaviors perpetrated by men have long been suppressed and treated as taboo in our society for generations.
This isn’t by accident; living in an archaic, patriarchal prison can typically mean the pleas of women, victims of transphobic, & homophobic persecution are silenced. Even though there are telltale signs and documented evidence of men committing egregious crimes against these disregarded populations, we seem to have a tendency to act only when they violate some type of stereotypically ‘manly’ code (i.e. snitching).
As we’re in the midst of a worldwide shift in attacking governments & societies that have long abused black peoples civil liberties and dehumanized us with no hesitation, there naturally will come an internal audit where we must take account of the atrocities some of us have subjected our very own people to. Originally crying out for justice in regards to the police-related killing of Tony McDade (pictured below), a black transgender man in Tallahassee, the death of Oluwatoyin Salau (pictured below) comes as the latest wake up call that resonated loudly, being one voice of many shaking the entire abyss.
As a cisgender, heterosexual black man, there are undoubtedly fellow men belonging to my specific classification that have contributed to the cysts of pain and suffering from which black women and LGBTQ+ individuals are crying out from. While I exist in a society that continues to use black men for target practice, there’s still a thin layer of privilege coating my existence in certain situations.
I don’t have to fear being snatched off the street by a rapist. I don’t have to fear being dragged, kicking and screaming into the world of sex trafficking. I don’t have to try and make friends with a man on subway platforms late at night, because there’s a drunken creep undressing me with his eyes near the end of the platform. I don’t run the risk of being burned at the stake for my sexual identity, nor my gender identity.
In many families, there’s undoubtedly a generational mantle of misogyny that is passed down which continues this patriarchal prison. Horrendous acts like sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, & hate speech/crimes often get dismissed amongst circles of men as upholding ‘traditional values’ or maintaining the reigns of a demented form of ‘power’. The ultimate theme is that there’s a very potent form of evil existing within’ these individuals that imagine such situations, let alone act on those impulses.
Unpacking these thoughts as I type, I try to think of all the factors that could contribute to these situations stamped ultimately by toxic masculinity: Inferiority complexes, generational hatred/values, desires to feel powerful? Perhaps it’s the aiding and abetting by friends, family, and associates regurgitating a ‘boys will be boys’ philosophy that forces our women, LGBTQ+ compatriots, and children into states of trauma.
“We hear you. We see you. We’re listening.”
No, that’s not enough. Reactive empathy has been whats gotten us into a hole this deep, with the bodies of our sisters, daughters, mothers, aunts, relatives, and friends mixed into the soil we try to climb on top of.
What I’ve chosen to speak on this week is mainly an open letter to my fellow members within’ the black community aiding in furthering the grips of toxic masculinity. We have to take proactive measures and create permanent change in all spaces of our existence. For one, the abuse of our black women, in particular, has been rampant virtually everywhere: In our homes, in broad daylight on the street, in clubs, in bars, and more commonly, in our workplaces. Recently, the media company Complex came under fire for its rampant racism & misogyny in its various offices. Tiffany Wines, a former contributor to the media outlet under investigation, wrote a harrowing open letter about the company, allowing for the world to get a glimpse into the ignorance and disregard that many black women in the workplace are treated with.
I can’t begin to imagine just how many of my friends have had to sit in silence with what’s happened to them for the fear of being gaslighted, fired, attacked, abused, or murdered for rightfully addressing a violation to their human rights. Many of us men don’t make it any easier for our people to come forward with their stories because we’re too busy engaging in antics that fall into a spectrum of misogyny, no matter how minor we may regard it.
No longer can we allow for misogyny, homophobia, or transphobia to run so free. This disturbing code of machismo needs to be disbanded and that starts with standing firm against it in all settings. Practicing empathy amongst only your family or circle of friends is not enough and in doing this work to solidify a peaceful standard for all, there will come disheartening conversations.
Some of us are probably already aware, but part of that due diligence will come in the form of checking your relatives, friends, and closest confidants. As much as we like to cover up the ugly truth, some of our most beloved engage in this cycle of violence without hesitation and see no error in their ways.
We cannot continue to use oppression as a tool to cope with oppression.
As we grow in a collective consciousness in the direction of change, we have to hold everyone in our community accountable. What I say mainly comes as a critique of what I’ve noticed as a black man, in regards to the transgressions within my own community. Having sat down and had long discussions with my mother in regards to all the things she experienced as a black woman, there are definitely stories that our loved ones haven’t told us, fearing their claims would be considered baseless and their sentiments rejected.
The marginalized within’ the marginalized; We already know the type of time White America has been on when it comes to our suffering, but we cannot continue to aid and abet intolerance & hatred against those in our communities trying to help foster positive change for us all.
All of this is not to say that every single one of us disrespects our women & LGBTQ+ members of the community, but it is to say that there are those who make misogyny their home, and some of us have been complicit via our silence. This is not a truth exclusive to black men, but all men across various racial groupings, religious affiliations, and economic classes. Conscious and unconscious enforcement of the patriarchy continues to feed into this compounded interest of divisiveness, pushing the goal of unity further beyond our grasp.
Understanding and being open to the stories that come from the intersectionality of race, gender identity, and sexuality can help us in the path to creating a proper utopia. However, much like the system of white privilege before us, the dismantling of this patriarchal prison is also of paramount importance.